In order to improve my paper, I believe it must be continually revised, as any paper should be. I believe that each sentence of an essay should carry itself seamlessly among the rest. The flow that a paragraph has, has the ability to further the point that is being made. With this in mind, I plan to set a structure and main topic for each paragraph while ensuring that there is not much fluff in between actual context. It is crucial to also minimize local errors, however that can be solved with each revision. Something else I need to pay attention to is the general layout of the essay. I am currently realizing that I need to break free of old methods of writing that I have learned from past classes. Older methods can absolutely be utilized in a positive direction, but they also can be restraining. It can prove difficult to break free from the chains of old writing styles. My goal is to be able to express my thoughts more freely. As for the actual context of my paper, I intend to head in the direction of the scientific aspect of beauty. I will explore facts behind why humans find each other attractive to the psychological reasons we find beauty in inanimate objects.
The publication I will be using in my essay is entitled “Beauty in the Brain of the Beholder” from ScienceDirect. This article examines the literal reasoning of why we find others’ appearance attractive. I understand that the beauty we are discussing in class isn’t really about humans’ attraction to each other, but I believe that it can be applied to what we generally find beautiful. This essay allows me to connect the way our brain works with how we view beauty in the outside world by viewing our understanding of beauty to our innate nature.
The first podcast I will be using is Tehya’s podcast. I will use this to expand how beauty and attraction co-mingle. Her aunt stated that she found Coastal Maine to be far more beautiful than Florida’s coast and her reasons for thinking that were generally due to physical reasons. This connects with the article I chose because there are attractions that Tehya’s aunt just found more appealing than others presented to her.
I will also be using Shiloh and Cameron’s podcast. They interviewed one of their professors and she went into very intriguing detail about how she finds both peace and beauty in the phases of the moon. This also can relate to my article and overall essay because I will be able to draw a point of science from the moon phases and also tag along how less physical things are able to translate into beauty depending upon who is viewing them.
The definition of beauty is difficult to put a pin in. The reason for this is that everyone has their own opinions that are heavily based off of past and present life events. Some grew up without knowing anything of purity in their lives, yet still are able to determine a moment of beauty they witnessed in another’s. As our nation ages, it seems to become increasingly important for these younger generations to make a display of harmony. This harmony, happiness, and purity can be found in life’s simple beauties.
In neighborhoods where there is a lot of crime, heartache, and general unfortunate event happenings, people are forced to find ways that grant them inner peace, which can be beauty. They may find solace, however, it may not be the best and most healthy method. People may come across false beauty that is able to momentarily heal them, but not for an elongated period of time. In fact, this beauty may turn around on them and wind up hurting themselves. It is always a lot easier to settle for a simple solution to a hardship than to search for one that can make you genuinely fulfilled.
The issue with finding these genuinely beautiful moments is that they can truly be hard to come by, especially in cases where there is much dismay. Something that makes moments beautiful is the balance of rarity in when they occur. It is easy to lose hope when you often not see kindness in people or experience a blissful moment. However, if this has the ability to happen every so often, as opposed to once in a blue moon, then more people may begin to realize the positive effect these moments can have of their lives. By introducing small actions and possibly joyful marketing tactics, we will be able to emphasize the greater world.
Now, when I say marketing tactics, I do not mean the marketing used to sell items; I am referring to some method of spreading beauty and happiness. By showing people simple beautiful moments or acts of kindness, they may learn from that and use it at a tough point in their lives. Instead of retreating to using a drug or another quick and detrimental moment of peace, they may find another mode of peace. They may try to recreate this beautiful moment they found, by going on a walk or painting a picture for themselves. I believe that by spreading these pure moments, we will be able to heal parts of our world that are having trouble.
As a society, we do not have to agree with one another, however, we do have to coexist. We need to find harmony and solitude in common ways that allow for us all to reunite. Beauty is a simple and very basic method of doing so. Most all people find that animals are beautiful, mountains are beautiful, the ocean, and peacefulness. If we simply apply these simple aspects to how we live our lives, we will be able to find peace in beauty.
-Claim Seeds-
- if this has the ability to happen every so often, as opposed to once in a blue moon, then more people may begin to realize the positive effect these moments can have of their lives
- talking about how is beauty is more prevalent, people will be more inclined for peace
- As our nation ages, it seems to become increasingly important for these younger generations to make a display of harmony.
- harmony seems to be an element in certain beautiful moments, and possibly one of the easiest to come by
Yoyo Ma, an accomplished cellist, believes in the integration of the arts into sciences. I, on the other hand, think that is bologna. Science is based on facts. Art is conceptual, you can bend and twist anything into however, or whatever, you want to perceive it as. In math, for example, two plus two will never equal the sadness that you feel inside; but a painting of the depths of the sea might. While writing a piece of music, no one ever has taken a moment to calculate the inside curve of a half note. If we create STEAM as opposed to leaving it as STEM, we may also be forgetting our natural ways and the difference between right and wrong. Not everything is as open-ended as it seems! There needs to be a difference between hard science and the talent of painting a picture.
Through my revision process, I began realizing that there were things I simply just left out. While going through and rereading, I was able to add in missing information and fix my wording and thought process as I went through my text.
Original paragraph:
Effective altruists believe that humans have a duty to help each other in any way possible, which include physical labor or donating money. These confined moral beliefs don’t include the presence of art. Art does not play a substantial enough contribution to the wellness of others, in the eyes of the EA (Southan). It is easy to break down the thought process of an EA. Centrally, they “want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness…. nothing else matters” (Southan). Given this, there is a crucial need to find people who are more effective at fulfilling a position and can acquire different skill sets that greatly benefit each position. Then enters the role of replaceability, as Southan states, “The idea [behind replaceability] is that the only good that counts is what you accomplish over and above what the next person would have done in your place” (Southan). There is a common concept that simply donating money every so often to a cause to help the suffering is enough. However, donations may fulfill a more so positive role for the donator than the recipient. Donating money is possibly one of the bare minimums of contributing to the greater good, as someone is most likely doing more, whether donating more or contributing time and effort, for a cause than the donator. This aforementioned go-getter is ultimately doing better at aiding in the overall well-being of others than the original donator is, making his position useless…. That is, in the eyes of the EA’s. The same ideals apply to creating artwork; if there is a person who truly produces awe-inspiring art that could be the most talented art in the world, there is no point of having other artists. EA’s would claim that all inferior artists are a waste of resources that could potentially be utilized for the betterment of the global population (Southan).
Revised paragraph:
Art has a variable definition; to some it is an extensive and complex part of their lives and to others it can seem immensely trivial. Effective altruists have confined moral beliefs that don’t include the presence of art. They seem to believe that humans have a civil duty to help each other in any way possible, including physical labor or donating money. Peter Singer, a world renowned philosopher, states a moral argument that questions the rationality behind possibly giving up some of your own free will in order to save another’s life. The argument goes as such: you are on your way somewhere and as you walk past a pond, you see a child who appears to be drowning. Do you save the child or keep on going, not paying any mind to the situation? In most rational people, the prominent answer is to, of course, jump in and save the child. Effective Altruists would agree with this very rational answer, as they are most concerned with the happiness and comfort of others in need. Art does not play a substantial enough contribution to the wellness of others, in the eyes of the EA (Southan). Their rationality could possibly be how could a piece of art have any effect on this situation? The person walking past the drowning child would not take a minute to paint a picture or write a script in order to save them. They would simply take action right then and there. It is easy to break down the thought process of an EA. Centrally, they would want to reduce suffering and increase lifespan and happiness- nothing else matters (Southan). Given this, there is a crucial need to find people who are more effective at fulfilling a position and can acquire different skill sets that greatly benefit each position. Then enters the role of replaceability, as Southan states, “The idea [behind replaceability] is that the only good that counts is what you accomplish over and above what the next person would have done in your place.” There is a common concept that simply donating money every so often to a cause to help the suffering is enough. However, donations may fulfill a more so positive role for the donator than the recipient. Donating money is possibly one of the bare minimums of contributing to the greater good, as someone is most likely doing more, whether donating more or contributing actual time and effort, for the cause than the donator. This aforementioned go-getter is ultimately doing better at aiding in the overall well-being of others than the original donator is, making his position useless. The same ideals apply to creating artwork; if there is a person who truly produces awe-inspiring art that could be the most talented art in the world, there is no point of having other artists. EA’s would claim that all inferior artists are a waste of resources that could potentially be utilized for the betterment of the global population (Southan).
I felt as though my revised paragraph is exponentially better than my first. I added new information, beefed it up, made it hold contextual integrity, and gave it more meaning than it had previously.
Published in 2014, “Necessary Edges: Arts, Empathy, and Education” by Yo Yo Ma takes a step back to reflect on our fading arts programs in school systems. The surrounding context of this essay seems to have a couple parts: an introduction that reflects on his highest points in life and the beef of the actual essay, why we should incorporate arts in STEM. Like mentioned before, his bio is very clear-cut. Not too much fluff and just straight to the point.
The imposed context surrounding this essay is my intent for reading. Surpassing the fact that it was assigned to me, I believe this essay still holds an importance. I believe it is something of an eyeopening view on how the arts are being pushed away. Our society seems to favor athletes and those who are doing hard science and everything in between- BUT the arts.
The intentional context is what Yo Yo Ma was trying to convey through this text. His goal of this article is to provide evidence for why we should incorporate the arts in STEM, creating STEAM. The arts can be an integral part of science, allowing for a basic foundation of creativeness. The arts show us how to be opened minded and think critically, interpreting the world around us.
Three words that I looked up were:
- Bandwidth: the energy or mental capacity used to deal with a situation
- Magnate: a wealthy and influential person, especially in business
- Lascivious: feeling or revealing an overt and often offensive sexual desire
In my opinion, art is definitely not a waste of time. i believe that it can help people tremendously. Just because it doesn’t necessarily physically help people with getting them cleaner water, it can help in many other ways. Art helps with mental illness, relieving people from their daily stressors, education, and general growth of mind. By learning to play an instrument, it is shown to strengthen your mind. Painting and coloring is shown to improve stress levels.
Art also is used in architecture, proving that it actually can help needy communities. It allows for the building of schools, hospitals, and even clean water fountains. I also believe that art is not as taken advantage of as it should be. When school systems cut funding, the arts programs are typically the first to go. If we don’t even have a well rounded understanding of the benefits of art, how can we decide if it is “OK” to do or not?
- My overarching goal for revising my essay would be to better organize it. I am currently missing Singer’s theory from my rough draft and need to decide where I will place it. I also am aware of a few local mistakes in my paper in addition to my global ones.
- I would absolutely prioritize making an outline or way of keeping my thoughts in order, ensuring that I won’t ramble off. I also have an issue with time management from time to time, however I feel as though I am much better at this than I have been previously. I am able to complete tasks to completion and more informed that last year.
- My biggest challenge, so far, is being able to keep my thoughts together. I tend to over complicate sentences and make them confusing. That was one major point in my reviewed paper. I completely understood, as I myself get confused at my writing. I believe that I over complicate things more when I’m not too sure of the direction that I’m writing in. This is why, I believe, that if I organize myself better, I will ultimately write fuller as well.
- I will definitely go to SASC for assistance, after seeking help through my Little Seagull book as well. I believe these blogs help learning too. It makes me think about writing in a different context. It makes me feel that I’m writing just to write and find different ways to write, rather than writing to answer a prompt. This is another flaw I see in my writing. I get bored sometimes and lose interest in writing, which also leads to my text confusion. I believe that I am slowly but surely figuring out my own style an hopefully will gain more confidence in my own writing techniques.
While writing a first draft of any paper, I tend to get a little bit frazzled. I begin to overthink everything and word things in a strange way, confusing the audience. I also agree that the first draft of any paper is the worst draft, as it is probably the least organized of all drafts. Anne Lamott takes on a very blunt character in her own writing persona, coming off as a little negative and highly sarcastic. writing can be very difficult when you are still trying to place your thoughts together. Even when it is finished, there may be unanswered questions. However, if a text had all the answers there would be no questions.
Through reading the papers of others, I was able to reflect on my own. I started to revise my own in my head, recounting moments where I may have added extra sentences that may not need to be there. Revision is a very important part of writing, whether you revise your own or others.
